reason is an article I came across on the Huffington Post regarding women faking their orgasms. A study in the Journal of Sexual Archives titled "The Faking Orgasm Scale for Women” suggests that women might fake their orgasms to highten their own sexual experience. To put that theory to the test, 481 sexually active, heterosexual women were asked to indicate how much certain factors influenced their decision to fake an orgasm. Faking an orgasm to increase one’s own arousal ranked third. I feel that if a woman is faking an orgasm to enjoy the sex better then good for her. What I found interesting and even a bit disheartening, is the amount of women in this study who indicated they fake orgasms in order to preserve their partner’s feelings. That factor ranked number one.
To me it doesn’t seem very helpful to fake an O to spare your partner’s feelings. I think if the two of you are connected in a particular way, you would want your partner to know when it’s real and when it just hasn’t happened. Personally, I wouldn’t want anyone to fake any kind of sexual pleasure with me. I would feel as if my intelligence is being insulted and on the other side I wouldn’t want to insult my lover’s intelligence either. I feel like when two people are deeply connected and they develop a groove, it becomes easier to notice or tell when a woman has climaxed. If your partner is in tune with your body, then often times he or she can pick up on the differences and changes in your body when it does happen. Your partner in most cases can feel it. I know a few women who have never experienced an orgasm before and feel some sort of shame towards this. There is no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed. I know some women who do experience orgasms but would like to have better ones. Here are some tips and tricks that will provide some ah-ha moments and lead to better Os.
What is an Orgasm?
Etymologically, the word orgasm comes from the Greek word orgasmos which means to grow, ripe, swell or be lustful. The word is also derived from the Sanskrit urja which means power and energy. If you’ve ever had an orgasm you know that it is indeed a very powerful experience. It is involuntary muscular contractions rapidly releasing accumulated neuro-muscular tension while pumping blood from the genital area to the rest of the body. They typically last anywhere from 3 – 10 seconds, although some people experience orgasms that can last several minutes (those are the best ones.) During a female orgasm, a woman’s vaginal muscles and uterine walls will usually contract while other parts of the body may experience spasms as well.
It is important to note that no two women will experience orgasms the same. Women don’t ejaculate in the ways that men do which may make it difficult for a partner to determine if orgasm was achieved. A partner can usually tell if a woman has had an orgasm by feeling intense and rapid contractions deep inside her vagina.
Orgasms: There’s Levels to This!
There are several kinds of female orgasms. Here are the most commonly experienced ones:
1. The Clitoral Orgasm
This type of orgasm is the result of clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is one of the most sensitive areas on the female body. The pleasure begins within the clit and sends ecstatic waves throughout the body. This type of orgasm is best achieved through finger and/or oral stimulation
2. The Vaginal Orgasm
This orgasm begins in the vagina and is usually concentrated deep within the vagina, pelvic and lower stomach areas. Usually during this type of orgasm the uterus, pelvic muscles and even anus will contract. These contractions tend to be very strong and your lover will often feel this kind or orgasm as there is a squeezing and ‘pushing out’ sensation. The vaginal orgasm takes a little longer to get there and is usually achieved through rhythmic thrusting.
3. Multiple Orgasms
One of the benefits of being a woman is the ability to bounce right back after an orgasm. There is no waiting period and nothing is flopping around on us. Once the spasms subside, a woman is capable of having another orgasm as soon as she wants to. The beautiful phenomenon of multiple Os refers to a series of orgasms separated by a few seconds up to several minutes. Once the first orgasm has happened, you and your partner can figure out what to do to bring on some more. After the first one, the clitoris tends to be very sensitive to direct stimulation so there may be a need to switch to a lighter touch.
4. The G-Spot Orgasm
This orgasm begins in the G-Spot (which is located 2-3 inches in the vagina) and may stay there while climaxing or it may powerfully explode through the whole body. This spot feels different than the rest of the vagina; usually feeling spongy and coarser in texture. Rhythmic pushing or circular friction motions are the best ways for achieving this kind of O. One position that is good for reaching this is from the back or fingering. This orgasm may also lead to female ejaculation which may or may not include squirting. The G-Spot O also takes a bit of build up time and it feels different in nature. It is often described as a wave of euphoric energy followed by a rush of fluid.
Remember, no two orgasms are created equal. In Dr. Paul Joannides’ Guide to Getting it On, he notes that “some orgasms make you feel great while others not so much. Some orgasms are intense and obvious while others are subtle and quiet.” You may experience the same type of orgasm frequently but some days it may be intense and glorious while other times it may be soft, short and sweet. Both instances are quite alright. You may have a lover who is able to make you orgasm each time you have sex but there may be a day or a session where there is no orgasm. This is okay too! Dr. Joannides notes that far more relationships crumble from a lack of emotional pleasure rather than from a lack of orgasms. Being orgasm obsessed is a sure fire way to have a terrible time in bed as the obsession may lead to feelings of added pressure and feelings of failure if one isn’t achieved. With that being said, it is perfectly okay to want to please your partner and ensure their satisfaction. Enjoy and put into practice some tips and tricks to help along the O journey:
• Engage in Foreplay – Touching, licking, sucking, and biting. Do the things that will increase arousal and make the sex feel better and wetter.
• Breathe – Steady, rhythmic breathing helps relax the muscles in the body and helps relax the mind.
• Stay in the Moment – It’s pretty hard to have an orgasm when you’re thinking about that report your boss asked you for, or what you’re going to cook for Sunday dinner. Take the time to enjoy the moment and your partner. Sex is just as much mental as it is physical.
• Be a Little Selfish – Have a favourite position that is guaranteed to make you cum? Make that your go-to! There’s nothing wrong with that.
• Bring Pelvises Close Together – Grinding the clit against the pelvis helps achieve orgasm.
• Ride it Tiger – The clitoris is in more direct contact with the pubic bone. Don’t be afraid to get on top and ride it until your queendom cums.
• Be Hands On – While receiving vaginal stimulation through thrusting, get your partner to use their fingers to stimulate your clit. This helps the orgasm along. (Trust me on this one!)
• Thrust, Thrust and Thrust – When you’re just about there, find and work with the rhythm and intensity of thrusting that will help bring you over the edge. Maybe you require gentle thrusting or maybe you need it faster and harder.
• Be Vocal, Speak or Scream Up – Let your partner know what feels good and what you need. Do you need your partner to stay right there? Say that! Maybe you need your partner to be quiet and not even breathe as you are about to have your orgasm. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner to shut up so you can cum. Some fare better when their partner talks to them, says dirty things while they are about to release. Express what you need as you’re right on the verge. Maybe you need a bit of coaxing. I find fewer things sexier than a lover who uses the base in his voice beckoning the O to come.
• Know Yourself – There is a saying that you can’t love someone else if you don’t at first love yourself. I feel the same way about orgasms. How can I expect my partner to make me orgasm if I can’t at first help myself? Get familiar with yourself and your body. Know what angles work best for you.
Sometimes the key to great orgasms is just the level of comfort you have with your partner. The French call an orgasm le petit mort which translates to the little death. In addition to the physiological response, maybe experiencing the big O is about engaging with someone you are so connected with, so comfortable with, that you feel totally safe in letting go. Complete trust and safety in experiencing a transfer of sorts to a different realm, having an outer body experience and trusting that person enough to resuscitate you (maybe with kisses) bringing you back to life, or earth, or back to the bedroom.