Permission is a big component of healthy sexuality, both the giving and receiving of it. Often, the biggest gift-givers of permission are ourselves.
Knowing that sexuality is the place where we all begin, it’s crazy that we as humans culturally give ourselves so little permission to know about our sexuality. This is our most powerful form of communication, yet we shy away from it.
Becoming a sexual woman can be exciting, intimidating, and terrifying all at the same time. But being sexual must be a decision you make for you. You won’t be authentically in it if you decide to be sexual because your partner is begging you to. You can make a choice to learn about your sexuality and have better sex when you choose to do so, but please don’t let someone talk you into it because that’s what they want for you. You need to have a discussion with yourself about if you are ready to become more sexual. Once you decide it’s for you, then go on to the next step.
Exploring your sensual-self is not forbidden, despite how much society pressures women to think otherwise. You may have trouble tapping into this side of you. It could stem from growing up in a religious family, sexual shame you experienced in your past, being uncomfortable with your body. Any of these things might lead you to feel awkward about the concept of sensuality and what it may entail. Once you find freedom in your sensuality/ sexuality, you’ll experience the world differently. You will feel more pleasure and become a woman who radiates energy and fully embodies femininity in the emotional, spiritual, and physical sense, which creates a magnetic presence that draws in others.
Learn about your body through self-pleasure as a practice. It sounds simple, but so many of us spend our adult lives in our heads, largely disconnected from the body and its needs. Like meditation, self-pleasure can be transformed into a source of deep joy, relaxation, and learning. By doing it mindfully, we notice that we have a body made to feel pleasure when touched the correct way.
Breath, sound, and movement are elements that contribute to the feedback loop that builds arousal.
Holding the breath, little or no sound, and a minimum of movement caused by fear can have a negative effect. By using the breath consciously--deep slow breaths, or fast breaths to build arousal followed by slow breaths that you imagine spreading around your body--we can hold more arousal in our bodies and learn to ride waves of pleasure rather than rocket to the exit sign.
Try a Breathing Experiment. Play with your breath and how different uses of the breath can slow down or heighten arousal. Try deep, slow breaths into the belly. Try a stimulating breath such as inhaling through the nose in four consecutive sniffs and exhaling through the mouth in four consecutive breathing sounds. Notice the different effects of breathing vs. holding your breath as you self-pleasure.
Give yourself a full body erotic massage by using your hands or a sex toy. Stroke all the parts of your body that you can reach with your hands. For what you can’t reach, use other means to elicit skin sensation.Most importantly, have fun! Self-pleasure is about intention, taking time, breath, sound, movement and savouring it all.
Touch yourself in ways that feel good to you, explore and experiment, and notice the effects over time. Do you feel more connected to your body? Do you feel more comfortable or confident with a lover? Have feelings of shame reduced? Have feelings of joy increased? Those are questions that you should ask yourself.
Most importantly, have fun giving yourself permission to love and receive love!