It's a shame that in 2018 we still have to talk about the difference of dating while fat.
You'd think by now we'd be judged solely on our personalities and character. Alas, since misconceptions still exist, I thought I'd break down a few things about dating while fat.
Thick Vs. Fat
Generally, as women, we wish our bodies could be different—we may want our butts a little bigger or our love handles a bit smaller. I compare my body to the bodies of other fat goddesses. Is it right? Maybe not. I think it's human nature, though. I, quite frankly, look at other women's bodies in admiration. Like, “Yasss girl!”
But what I have no time for is men comparing our bodies and pitting us against each other based on their standards of thick vs. fat, as though the latter is an insult. And it's usually the dudes who are shaped like SpongeBob who make these comparisons! Ok....let me not be mean here and name call. But I'm saying, if you're going to compare women's bodies, you better be looking like The Rock under all your clothes.
I once met a guy who was clearly plus-sized himself, and he went on to tell me that I convinced him to actually give plus size women a try. Growing up, he was always into skinny women and looked at fat women as people who didn't take care of themselves. But because of my confidence, I changed his mind. Hahahaha. Sir, you are fat! Am I the only one who takes offense to this? I think it's okay to have your preferences of who you'd like to date, but if you're fat, should you be telling me you consider fat women people who don't take care of themselves? Things that make you go hmmm.
This has to stop!
Stop It...We're Not Swinging From Chandeliers
Now listen, I enjoy trying out new toys and moves, like jumping off the dryer and landing in the splits on top of my man, you know, just like everyone else. There seems to be a myth, however, that dating a fat woman will bring you to levels of ecstasy like no other. I'm flattered that that's what's being said in the streets about dating a big girl. But let's be real, are we setting up unrealistic expectations of ourselves in the bedroom? Does that lead to disappointment in your relationship?
Women are women. Some women enjoy exploring their wild side, while other women enjoy the starfish position. Hate to break your hearts here, but this has nothing to do with being fat or slim. It's just the person. Aaaand it can also be the man too. Let's face it, if we find a man that knows how to turn us out, we'll be doing the naked splits, juggling, and cooking him a hot meal all at the same damn time! Am I right ladies? Ha!
I'm Not Accepting Scraps Because I'm Fat
There's a misconception that no one is sliding into big girls’ DMs. I'm gonna go ahead and call that fake news! I credit the body positivity movement for encouraging women to see their own beauty at any size. We've always been beautiful. It’s just taken society a while to catch up with our fabulousness. Don't be that dude that keeps the big girl on the back burner because you think she has no other options. We curve too. And you will get curved if you think that you can throw us some scraps and expect that we'll just accept it. We expect date nights, love, gifts, and attention. We want you to show us off. Anything else is just unacceptable.
Image courtesy of Flaws of Couture
I Will Not Be Ordering A Salad
If you invite me out to dinner on a date, just know I will not be ordering salad! I eat. I don't pretend to be cute with a miniature salad, with dressing on the side, and no croutons, because God forbid I eat carbs. I personally won't be held to a different standard than my male date. The way I see it, wouldn't you prefer to know in advance that I have a healthy appetite? I'm all for being healthy, and I do enjoy healthy meals, but let's be honest girls, if we feel for steak and potatoes, we should order the steak and potatoes! Men generally don't have time for games (Hahahahaha...I struggled to type that without laughing). But I mean, mature men who are ready for a real relationship can't be bothered with someone who is pretending to be someone that they're not. Just be you ladies. I've murdered some hot wings on a first date before with zero apologies!
Sis...He Knows You're Fat
I have this argument with many of my plus-sized friends. I'm not trying to knock anyone's hustle, but this whole 'let me suck myself into some Spanx, so he doesn't know how fat I really am' has got to stop. Sis...He knows you're fat! Can we just embrace our rolls and be happy? The consensus that I've gotten from the men that I've spoken with (for you smartasses, I know this is not scientific!) is that they prefer a woman who is confident in her skin as opposed to hiding behind Spanx or wearing black, baggy clothes to camouflage her fat. Now, if you wear body slimmers to smooth you out in your clothes, I'm not talking to you. I get it. Some outfits might call for it. I'm talking to the ladies who think the Spanx will magically make all the fat go away! I used to be one of those ladies who would speed walk to the bathroom after sex because I didn't want him to notice my multiple love handles. When I grew more comfortable in my skin, it turned into 'let's keep the lights on babe.'
This goes for both men and women—one of the sexiest traits that you can have is confidence. No one can be you better than you. Own it. As a great meme once said 'Ladies, you are oxtail, don't let anyone treat you like you're chicken back!' Translation for my non-Caribbean readers 'Ladies, you are filet mignon, don't let anyone treat you like you're ground beef!' Ha!
Happy Dating Guys!!!!!!