Name:  Dwayne Matthews

Age: 43

Occupation:  Life and Education Strategist  
 
How many children do you have?

One

How old were you when you first became a father?

35

How would you rank your relationship with your father?

5 out of 5

Briefly describe the relationship with your father.

My father met me for the first time when I was 9 months old. I met him for the first time when I was 10 years old, once again when I was 12 and one more conversation when I was 24. Outside of these two meetings and one conversation, we have no relationship.

How has this shaped the relationship with your children?

Having no relationship with my father has definitely shaped my relationship with my son. I was fortunate enough that I had an opportunity to choose and model the qualities that I wanted to have as a father by observing many different fathers, men and people without the constant example from my father. Not having a relationship encouraged me to be introspective. It forced me to ponder how I wanted to influence the outcome of my child's life. What qualities did I want him to learn over our relationship? I think it would have been difficult to model different qualities if I felt compelled to adopt one model during my formative years. Because I did not have a story of genetics as a premise I was able to create proactively. I was able to pull qualities from my stepfather, my grandfather, and my older cousins. I was able to reflect on the positions of my aunts, my mother and many other women around me with less male gender bias commentary running in the background... I think not having a father has left me with many vulnerabilities as well for the same reasons mentioned. I have to think much more often than if I had a blueprint to follow. This can get mentally exhausting and leave me feeling insecure about some of my decisions.

What do you enjoy the most about being a dad?

I enjoy watching him grow. There is something illogical about this being a joy in of itself, but there it is. Seeing the world unfold through his eyes is a fascinating experience.