This feels like a compliment, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder: does the “nice” Canadian really exist?

I’ve read that Canadians apologize an average of nine times a day—can you believe that? In places like Burlington and Oakville, it’s even higher, at 15 times per day! You could not possibly convince me that all these apologies are genuine and sincere. Half the time it’s used out of habit, a means to hold conservation and has nothing to do with the actual word. It’s more about avoiding the discomfort of real feelings instead of genuinely expressing regret.

The Canadian “niceness” often comes across as superficial. People will say things to me like, “Have a good one” just to wrap up a conversation without actually meaning it. 

And then there’s the issue of friendliness feeling a bit conditional. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a warm exchange with someone only to realize that their niceness seems to vanish as soon as their friends show up. It’s like there’s an unspoken rule that their friendliness is reserved for their inner circle. This attitude makes it hard to create genuine friendships and connections.

It has left me feeling isolated at times, especially when I learned that Vancouver was ranked the seventh loneliest city in the world. It makes you question how a culture built on kindness can lead to such loneliness.

In 2025 20-30% of Canadians reported feeling lonely. This should be impossible in a culture of true niceness. But the reality is, Canadians are so cliquey that it eliminates the authenticity of their niceness.

On top of that, I can’t ignore the racial aspect of this niceness. For many immigrants, including myself, the Canada we experience can feel very different from the idealized version that’s often portrayed. A lot of my friends are first- or second-generation immigrants, and many of us struggle to find our place within predominantly white social circles. We joke about wanting to bridge that gap, but the reality is that our efforts often feel futile, leaving us to navigate a landscape that can feel unwelcoming.

Sure, some of my friends have managed to break into these circles, but it often comes at the cost of their own identity. It’s disheartening to see how some people end up settling for tokenism just to fit in. Those who grew up in predominantly white neighborhoods may find it easier to integrate, but for the rest of us, it can be a real challenge. I read an article from Global News that pointed out how Canadians have a “two-faced” narrative, presenting one version to the world while hiding another.

Culturally, I think there’s a significant gap, too. The difference between “peach” cultures—soft on the outside but hard inside—and “coconut” cultures—hard on the outside but warm on the inside—really resonates with me. Many immigrant families embody that coconut ethos, revealing a rich inner warmth beneath a tough exterior. In contrast, the niceness I encounter among some Canadians can sometimes feel like a shield, hiding a more rigid core. As someone once said, “Many nice people say nice things but do very little.”

So why does all of this matter for me and other Black Canadians? Well, it highlights the barriers we face in the workplace. It’s like high school all over again: people tend to hire who they feel comfortable with. I believe it’s crucial for us to educate one another about the realities we’re living in. 

The ideal of Canadian niceness doesn’t ring true with everyone, and it’s time we challenge this myth by digging deeper into the complexities that define our social landscape.