Let’s be honest, some men can be a little greedy. It’s not always good enough just to have sex but they want that partner to always be in the mood for it.

But that’s easier said than done, especially for women.

And take note, a woman’s lack of interest doesn’t just happen overnight, it’s usually a series of events that lead up to it. And men… sorry but, it’s probably (mostly) your fault.

Pay attention to her the way she wants

To seduce her body you need to seduce her mind, and one of the absolute number one fastest ways to seduce her is to pay deep and real attention to her. Women love this, we thrive on attention. And we also need to feel safe, connected and relaxed to open themselves up to men.

Help around the house

For many women, acts of service are huge on their love language list. (If you are unfamiliar with each others’ love language, I suggest reading; the 5 love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. This book breaks down how each partner communicates differently, so we need to understand how each other thinks to sustain a successful relationship.

Sensual touch

A masterful way to begin foreplay, without focusing on sex but on emotional connection, is by giving her a sensual massage. Lay her down on the bed and make sure to use oil or lotion so she has to remove her clothes. What starts off as a nice gesture ends up a happy ending for everyone involved. Never stop kissing. That’s the first and last way a couple connects. If you stop kissing, you stop connecting.

Romantic Dinner

Your partner just had a long day at work, perhaps, she’s been on the go since crack of dawn and just needs a break. Nothing like surprising the woman you love with a home cooked meal and a glass of wine to help unwind. Not only will she appreciate your gesture, but she’ll also feel closer and more intimately connected to you. Feed each other, explore erotic food.

Explore other parts of her body

Rub her feet, caress her, tickle her, explore her lower back and buttocks, many women love to have these areas massaged. The key is to find the area of her body that she’s most proud of or more sensitive to touch, and concentrate on those. If you do this in the beginning, you relax her, making her want more.

Men not in the mood is a rare phenomenon in my world—but it does happen every now and then, and can be extremely frustrating if you’re looking for a good time.

Know what turns him on

Knowledge is power, and in the case of sexual turn on, a little knowledge goes a long way. If you know what he loves, whisper it in his ear of that your wearing his favorite outfit. If you know it’s a turn on for him tell him what you’ll be doing to him later that night or when you’re alone. Why not tease him a bit.

Help him to relax

When your man isn’t in the mood, it can be because he’s just stressed out! Help him relax a little bit by pouring him a drink, making him some dinner, and even putting on his favorite show. Ask him if there’s anything he would like right then and do it for him. He will soon feel relaxed and much more willing to do whatever you want him to.

Kiss him slowly

Lean in very close and give him a long, slow kiss and then walk away without another word. He will be stunned and curious to know what else you have in store for him. This sexy gesture is sure to arouse him. Get really close to him, have a minute or two of snuggling, and then slowly take his hands and put them right where you want them. This gesture will not only surprise him, but get him thinking about what he really could do with those hands.

Talk about your first time

Remind him of the first-time you guys made love. Tell him your favorite parts about it: what he did that you really loved and how much you want him to do those things again.

Chances are, the first night he was more than in the mood to get naked with you, and by talking about everything you two did, his memory will do the work, and he’ll be ready to go in no time at all.

The reality is, you can’t be lazy.

There is no quick fix. There is no magic pill.

Love your partner better. Being a good lover is the ultimate secret to getting both parties in the mood, and hopefully a long-lasting loving relationship.